Keeping the Passion Alive - Tips
Talk and Listen
Sometimes body language is not enough and words are what you need and communication is important in a healthy relationship. Discussing sex is awkward for most people and it may not come naturally to you or your partner. One of the best ways of starting a conversation about sex is by saying you want to learn more about how to please your partner. By focussing on their desires and needs it can help to ensure there is no feelings of anxiety or defensiveness.
Choose a time and place that is relaxed and private and keep the discussion light hearted and curious. Learning about each other should be fun and exciting, and remember that like any skill, talking about sex gets easier the more you practice but be sensitive to your partner’s feelings.
More information: Talk about sex
There is more to sex than penetration
The majority of people will say a satisfying sex life is all about penetration and orgasm but this does not have to be the case. Enjoy all the feelings of arousal with your partner, not just the orgasm. Take time to be more sensual such as:
- Explore each other’s bodies.
- Bathe together.
- Massage.
- Kiss.
- Cuddle
- Touch each other’s skin.
- Undress each other.
- Tell each other what you like.
- Listen to your partner’s breathing and the sounds they make.
More information Keep the lust alive.
Making time
The biggest block to a fulfilling sex life can be having enough time. In today’s hectic world, many people are maybe trying to juggle following a career, spending quality time with family and friends and running a home and our partners often find themselves slipping down our list of priorities.
An important investment you can make in your sex life is time for yourself and time for your partner. This does not mean that every love-making session has to start with hours of foreplay or intimate conversation, but when you spend more time connecting with each other you may find that ‘quickies’ are more frequent and intense.
The following two tips may help:
- Learn to separate the urgent from the important.
If something is truly important such as making a doctors appointment or renewing the car insurance, then it needs to take priority. But make sure you do not slip into the trap of thinking that everything that is important is urgent. Yes the ironing needs doing and the car needs cleaning, but can it wait?
- Choose quality not quantity.
Quality time is more important than quantity so rather than grabbing the occasional few minutes, book long periods of time when you can really relax and connect.
More information found at: sex-census
Spicing things up –
Share Fantasies & Desires
Sometimes sex can become routine and maybe boring. If we do the same thing, time after time after time, both our bodies and our brains become less interested. This seems to be especially true for couples in long term relationships, no matter how much they fancied each other in the early days. Recognising that this is a common reality for most couples can help to keep a sex life interesting and shared together so it does not become a source of conflict.
Talking about how you can introduce a new position, a new stimulation technique or perhaps a sex toy into the bedroom might be stimulation enough, but when you get tired of talking about it, putting it into action may be even better.
Everyone has unique fantasies, tastes and preferences when it comes to sex. From earlobes to ankles, hairline to hips, pirates to picnics, do not be afraid to talk about them. If you and your partner know about each other’s turn-ons, you can make the most of them.
More information found at sex-census
Massage
Massage can help you have very sensual sex. Used as part of foreplay, it can be a great way to start things slowly as you relax into the feel of each other’s skin. However, a simple massage that does not lead to sex can also work wonders for your sex life.
A non-sexual massage will familiarise (or re-familiarise) you with your partner’s body, reduce stress and reaffirm the intimacy between you. Discuss with your partner if you do not want a massage to lead to sex, so you can avoid any misunderstanding.
Whisper
Whether it is sweet nothings or your sexy intentions, whispering things to each other can add an extra thrill. It does not have to be during foreplay or sex. A sexy phone call can leave both of you looking forward to the event for hours or days.
If you use texts or emails make sure they go to the right person and remember at work you employer has the right to access your email.
Read a book
There are many books that have exercises and ideas to help you achieve a fulfilling sex life, whatever your age, gender, sexual orientation or taste.
If have never thought about buying a book about sex, why not do it now? You might wish you had done it years ago.
Masturbation
Masturbation, by yourself or with your partner is a natural healthy expression of sexuality and can be a bonus for your sex life and sexual pleasure. It can have a large number of benefits for sexual pleasure. Exploring your own body and sexual responses means that you can share this knowledge with your partner.
Masturbating your partner can help you learn more about what turns them on. It can also be a useful option if one of you does not feel like full penetrative sex, orif you have different levels of desire. Talk about it with your partner.
Masturbation leaflet produced by Centre for HIV and Sexual Health. www.sexualhealthsheffield.nhs.uk
Sex toys
If you and your partner both feel comfortable with it, using sex toys can be an arousing thing to do together. Some people use vibrators (and more) as an enjoyable part oftheir sex life.
If you’ve never thought about using sex toys before, how do you feel about trying them? You can buy them online or in sex shops.
Kicking bad habits
Bad habits are easy traps to fall into and we often do not regognise them but fortunately they are often much easier to break than we think. You could first ask your partner if there is anything you are doing that might be getting in the way of your couple intimacy.
Such things could be answering the phone or fiddling with your blackberry rather than focussing on your partner, keeping socks on in bed, being lazy or falling asleep during intimate moments.
You could make a commitment today to stop and if you are worried you may slip back into the habit, ask your partner to point out if you do. On the other hand if it is your partner who has got the bad habits you could make a respectful request that they stop and explain to them the impact it has on you.
Also while discussing this make sure you ask them if there is anything they would like you to change that might improve your intimacy.
Keep it clean
This is your general hygiene, but not keeping yourself super-scrubbed, as a certain amount of sweat can be a turn on as long as it is not overwhelming. Good sex can embrace all the senses, not just touch.
Scented oil for a massage (don't get oil on a latex condom as this can damage it), music and candles for soft lighting can all be erotic, as well as listening to your partner’s breathing and the sounds that they make.
Taste each other as you kiss. If you both want to, you could mix food and sex - feed each other something delicious and juicy, such as strawberries.
Relax
Sex with a loving partner can be one of the most beautiful and intense experiences in life. Sometimes the best sex happens when you not worrying about making it exciting or orgasmic.
Relax with your partner and great sex may come and find you - and remember ‘Let’s talk about sex’.